Muse Treatment: Dating an Alcoholic: Finding Help and Guidance

Dealing with someone who has Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is not uncommon, as 28.9 million people had AUD in the past year, according to the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health. With the prevalence of the condition in today’s society, many people witness the damage the condition can cause firsthand. Dating someone struggling with alcoholism can be an emotionally challenging and complex experience. People dating an alcoholic may find themselves caught between deep feelings of love and concern for their partner while simultaneously dealing with unpredictable behaviors, broken promises, and the stress of watching someone they care about harm themselves through drinking. The relationship often becomes increasingly difficult as alcohol takes priority in the partner’s life, leading to missed commitments, financial strain, and emotional unavailability. It’s common to feel helpless, frustrated, or even responsible for their drinking. However, it’s important to remember that alcoholism is a disease that is extremely difficult to control with professional intervention.

Getting professional help at an alcohol rehab center in Los Angeles is crucial for both the person struggling with alcoholism and their partner. Treatment options like rehabilitation programs, counseling, and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous can provide the structured assistance needed for recovery. For partners, organizations like Al-Anon offer valuable support and guidance in dealing with a loved one’s alcoholism. While you can encourage and support your partner in seeking help, remember that they must be willing to acknowledge their problem and commit to recovery. Taking care of your own emotional well-being is equally important—consider seeking individual counseling to help you navigate this challenging situation and set healthy boundaries while supporting your partner’s journey toward sobriety.

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What Is It Like Being In a Relationship With an Alcoholic?

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic often feels like riding an emotional rollercoaster where you never know what version of your partner you’ll encounter from one day to the next. The good days can be wonderful, filled with moments that remind you why you fell in love, but these glimpses of normalcy can make the bad days even more challenging to bear. You might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, analyzing every word and action to avoid triggering a drinking episode or making endless excuses to family and friends for your partner’s behavior. The unpredictability becomes exhausting—plans get canceled at the last minute, promises are broken, and important events are overshadowed by drinking. You may catch yourself hiding your partner’s condition from others, covering up embarrassing incidents, or lying to protect them, all while feeling increasingly isolated and alone.

The relationship often evolves into a caretaking role, where you clean up literal and metaphorical messes, manage finances they’ve neglected, or take on extra responsibilities to keep your household functioning. You might experience conflicting emotions—deep love and concern alongside anger, resentment, and shame. There’s often a crushing sense of guilt when you consider leaving, coupled with the hope that things will get better if you just try harder or love them more. The hardest part can be accepting that despite your best efforts, you can’t control or cure their addiction. Many people in relationships with alcoholics report losing their sense of self as they become increasingly consumed by their partner’s disease, forgetting their own needs and desires in the constant struggle to keep their relationship and partner afloat.

What Are the Struggles of Dating an Alcoholic?

Dating an alcoholic involves numerous complex challenges that can deeply impact both partners’ emotional and physical well-being. The relationship often becomes dominated by cycles of chaos, hope, and disappointment that can be extremely draining to navigate.
Financial strain frequently emerges as drinking habits drain shared resources. Instead, money that should go toward bills, savings, or shared experiences gets spent on alcohol. You might find yourself covering more than your fair share of expenses or discovering hidden debt related to their drinking.

Trust issues invariably develop as promises are repeatedly broken and lies accumulate. Your partner might hide their drinking, deny how much they consume, or make commitments they can’t keep when under the influence. This erosion of trust can leave deep emotional scars and make it difficult to believe in positive change.

The unpredictability of their behavior creates constant anxiety. You never quite know if you’re going to encounter your loving, sober partner or someone whose personality has been altered by alcohol. This uncertainty affects everything from daily interactions to significant life plans.
Social isolation often follows as you begin avoiding situations that might trigger their drinking or lead to embarrassing incidents. Friends and family may start distancing themselves, not knowing how to help, or feeling uncomfortable around your partner’s unpredictable behavior.

dating an alcoholic

Are Alcoholics Narcissistic?

While alcoholism and narcissistic traits can sometimes overlap, it’s important not to make blanket generalizations. Some behaviors exhibited by alcoholics may appear narcissistic but are actually symptoms of addiction rather than true narcissistic personality traits. These can include self-centered behavior, lack of empathy, manipulation to enable drinking, and prioritizing alcohol over others’ needs. However, these behaviors are often driven by the disease of addiction rather than inherent personality characteristics.

When sober, many alcoholics may show genuine remorse, empathy, and concern for others—traits that true narcissists typically don’t display. Additionally, while alcoholics might engage in manipulation or lying to protect their drinking, this usually stems from shame and addiction rather than the grandiosity and need for admiration that characterizes narcissistic personality disorder.

What Is a High-Functioning Alcoholic?

A high-functioning alcoholic is someone who maintains the outward appearance of a successful, well-managed life while struggling with alcohol dependency. This type of alcoholic often manages to balance professional responsibilities, relationships, and other obligations while concealing the extent of their drinking problem. Common characteristics of high-functioning alcoholics include:

Maintaining successful careers, often in high-powered or demanding positions
Appearing financially stable and responsible
Having seemingly stable relationships and family life
Drinking at socially acceptable times like dinner or after work
Using alcohol as a reward or stress management tool
Denying they have a problem because they meet societal expectations
Having a high tolerance for alcohol due to regular consumption
Being skilled at hiding the quantity of alcohol they consume
Creating elaborate systems and rules around their drinking

Finding Treatment When Dating an Alcoholic

Dating an alcoholic is rarely a pleasant experience, but support services are available to help the person find treatment and overcome the disease. Attending Los Angeles alcohol rehab can be a life-changing path for someone struggling with alcoholism, offering multiple approaches to address both the physical and psychological aspects of addiction. The journey typically begins with medically supervised detox to safely manage withdrawal symptoms, followed by a comprehensive rehabilitation program that combines individual therapy, group counseling, and evidence-based treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Through treatment, alcoholics can learn to live without alcohol, rebuild their self-esteem, repair relationships, and develop the tools and strategies needed for sustained sobriety.

Muse Treatment in Los Angeles provides alcohol detox and therapy to help patients overcome the physical and mental challenges of addiction. Our caring staff and modern facility can help patients every step of the way to recover from alcoholism. Please reach out to Muse Treatment today by calling 800-426-1818 to learn more about a pathway to sobriety for you or your partner.